Will it be? Yes, it will.

There are times in life when we desperately want a change. We want that change so bad and so deep down that we think we are ready for it. Most of the time, even though we think we are ready, we’re really not. A perfect example of this would be a basic change in some type of daily/weekly activity or habit…smoking, exercising, putting the clothes away instead of living out of the dryer, etc.

But then there are times in life when not only do we desperately want that change, but we feel it coming. Something is different. Something is off…but in a good way. Your mind set changes. The way you have lived your daily life has suddenly shot into another direction. Your priorities become different.

Up until now, that has only happened to me once before and that was 8 years ago. I moved to Nashville a year later.

About 4 months ago…I started to feel internally like something was different. This wasn’t just, “Oh I long to have things be different and here’s what I’m gonna do to make that happen” (and then not follow through of course). This was something bigger. And as the days have gone by since then, that feeling has only gotten stronger.

It sounds cheesy but I know (cosmically) that something life changing is headed my direction. I just feel it in my gut. What is the change that is headed my way? Not a clue. But it’s coming. And my guess is that it will be presenting itself very soon. I can promise you this, my life WILL be completely different by the end of 2010. This is my year. I can feel it from my head to my toes. And you can quote me on that.

So, DJ…cue my new theme song:



‘Something’s Coming’ (from the West Side Story soundtrack) by Jim Bryant:

Could be!
Who knows?
There's something due any day;
I will know right away,
Soon as it shows.
It may come cannonballing down through the sky,
Gleam in its eye,
Bright as a rose!

Who knows?
It's only just out of reach,
Down the block, on a beach,
Under a tree.
I got a feeling there's a miracle due,
Gonna come true,
Coming to me!

Could it be? Yes, it could.
Something's coming, something good,
If I can wait!
Something's coming, I don't know what it is,
But it is
Gonna be great!

With a click, with a shock,
Phone'll jingle, door'll knock,
Open the latch!
Something's coming, don't know when, but it's soon;
Catch the moon,
One-handed catch!

Around the corner,
Or whistling down the river,
Come on, deliver
To me!
Will it be? Yes, it will.
Maybe just by holding still,
It'll be there!

Come on, something, come on in, don't be shy,
Meet a guy,
Pull up a chair!
The air is humming,
And something great is coming!
Who knows?
It's only just out of reach,
Down the block, on a beach,
Maybe tonight . . .

Beware of men named Brandon...for they are evil

It is my executive decision that men named Brandon bring me nothing but bad luck and heartache therefore they must be the fruits of the devil. So from this point forward, they are all dead to me.

Ever since I met Mr. "I promise to call everyday" (AKA Brandon), my week has been complete and total crap. I've been overloaded at work (which seems par for the course the week before you go on vacation), I've been short paid money that I needed to take with me on my trip, I've had the heartache of my boys losing in the first round (laugh if you must...but I felt like I was gonna ralph for at least two hours after the game), I've had to deal with boy drama, I have to go to the lady doctor tomorrow (ick), and now one of my roommates has given me ONE WEEKS NOTICE that she is moving out. ONE WEEK. Mind you, I AM GONE FOR THE NEXT WEEK.

How am I supposed to enjoy my week off when I know I have a crap ton of work waiting for me when I get back, not enough cash to spend while I'm there, AND that I need to start looking for a new roommate while I'm supposed to be recharging my batteries??

These turn of events lead me to one of two conclusions:

A) Brandon was a warlock and he has put a curse on me.

B) God is punishing me or he at the very least disapproves of my choices.

Since I'm inclined to believe that the second choice is completely unlikely (as much as it feels like the truth), I can only be left to assume that the first choice is the correct assessment of the situation.

So beware...keep your eyes open for those men named Brandon out there. I suggest arming yourself with a Saint Benedict medal, a bundle of Sage, or perhaps a gris gris bag. Those appear to be the most effective tools for warding off evil spirits.

I can usually smell bullshit from a mile away

Most of my friends already know this, but I'm very observant. Not only am I very aware of my surroundings, but I’m also very in tune with other people's behaviors and body language. I'm also probably well above average on the make believe scale of self awareness. I don't take most people at their word (men in particular…no offense, boys) until I've had time to observe them and figure out their tells. My gut guides me and 99% of the time, it’s right. I may not always be able to put my finger on what's not right right away...but I’ll know it's something and wait for it to come to me later. In other words, not only do I know myself VERY well, but I’m usually a better than average judge of character.

So you can understand my surprise and the resulting blow to my ego (and perhaps my self esteem) when I recently discovered that I have officially been "played" for the first time. Yes...that's right. I fell for it. Something in my gut told me not to trust so easily but for once I made a decision to ignore it and decided to go out on a limb. After all, I wasn't sure if it was fear of being vulnerable that was telling me not to trust or whether it was actually my gut saying, "Hi...I'm a red flag. Nice to meet you."

I let as much of my emotional and mental restraint go as possible and decided to say, "Balls to the wall! Let's see where this goes!" He talked a big game about all the things a girl like me wants to hear and I’ve learned from books like "He's Just Not That into You" and "Why Men Love Bitches" that any guy who talks like that is most likely full of crap. But I ignored that knowledge and thought, "Maybe this guy is the real deal. Maybe the reason your gut is kind of churning is because you've never met a guy like this before so you have nothing to base your trust issues and past observations off of." Oh how wrong I turned out to be.

After spending hours upon hours discussing our likes and dislikes, our individual plans for the future, what we want from a spouse, promises of wanting to stay in contact every day from him, what his family is like, all the “plans and ideas for the potential future” and ok...yeah...maybe after a little bit of some of that kissing stuff, I still wasn't FULLY sold on the guy. But I was hopeful that I was right to make myself vulnerable and that I’d be rewarded for that choice with a desire to officially buy what he was selling.

That was over 85 hours ago. And I've yet to hear from him once.

I woke up on Sunday morning knowing that I was never going to hear from him again. I’m not sure what it was but I just knew. I told a friend of mine who had met him too my thoughts on the situation and she said I was wrong because she got a good vibe from him. So I bet her $5 that I wouldn’t hear from Mr. “I promise to call every day” by the time I went to bed on Monday night. She said, “I’ll take that bet!” Monday night rolls around and nothing. I texted him on Tuesday afternoon with a funny little comment just to prove to myself that I was right and he wouldn’t respond. Low and behold…radio silence. (She ended up buying me a Woodchuck at Broadway Brewhouse Tuesday night as payment, by the way. I guess the plus side is that I still won something out of it, right?)

My point of this particular blant (that’s a blog + a rant…I’m trying it on for size) is two fold.

Part A) This weekend provided for me the first time in my life I’ve truly had a giant bundle of thoughts, emotions, and doubts all hitting me in the face (and more importantly in the heart) at the same time over a guy. Seriously…I’ve had angst before, I’ve had hope before, I’ve had doubt before, I’ve had anger before, I’ve had sadness before. But this is the first time I’ve had all of them (plus some other things mixed in there) all hit me at once and within a 4 day period. Part of me says, “Run away! Run awaaaay!” because dealing with this stuff is too painful. The other part of me says, “Whatever…he is a total scuzz bucket. Just take it as a learning experience and move on. You’ll find a guy worthy of you soon enough. Hang in there, champ!”

And that leaves me feeling completely confused and almost back to square one.

Part B) Listen up, men. Because this part is for you. Guys like him make things difficult for the well intentioned men like you out there. These men that give us this false sense of trust and feed us their lies and raise our hopes and then don’t call, they are the reason we blow you off the first few times you try to connect with us. Because we trusted someone who seemed honest and genuine and they were lying the whole time. Why should we believe that you are any different? Why should we open ourselves up to being vulnerable and truthful again when someone told us they valued that and then proved they didn’t by not following through with a stupid phone call or even a lame text message?

So men…I challenge you to stand up to these guys. I challenge you to call them out. I challenge you to hold them to a higher standard. These guys that behave like this, they are your friends. So nut up and tell them, “Dude…not cool.” That’s all it takes. A simple acknowledgement that what they did was not kosher. A woman’s emotions are the core of who she is and toying with that for the chance at a little friskiness later is not ok. Ruining our hour/day/week/month/year for your own pleasure seeking selfishness is not ok. If a girl is only in it for one thing too and the two parties acknowledge that, fine by me. Go at it. Have fun. No expectations…no strings. I get it. But when you lie and deceive someone for the prospect of your own satisfaction, that’s what we call morally and ethically (and even biblically) WRONG.

Good day to you, Mr. “I promise to call every day” guy. I SAID GOOD DAY!

Boys...I don't get um

Riddle me this, boys...why do you guys go so hot and cold in relationships? I object to the idea that "women are too confusing" and all the other random comments you guys make about how crazy we are and unreadable we are and on and on and on.

Trust me, guys...you are JUST as confusing as we are.

I'm just sayin'.